Conkers Scale encounter
by Ra88
Summary: Sigh...Conker never has peace, because now, a dragon dude called Tenka makes his entrance, creates a cheap T-Virus rip-off, and then tries to conquer Conk. O, yeah, Berri is back but she wants to kil him. An ordinary day in the life of a squirrel.
1. Part 1: The good news is Berri is alive,...

CONKERS SCALE ENCOUNTER  
  
By Ra 88  
  
===================================================================  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Conker. Rare does. Only the dragon dude Tekna is mine.   
===================================================================  
  
CHAPTER 1: ENTER THE DRAGON  
Conker is sitting in his favourite and only bar, the Cock and Plucket. He drinks a big bottle of beer, and hick-ups. He sighs, and takes of his crown. ,,Stupid *** thing. It's complete useless without Berri as a queen. That stupid weasel and that arsed Alien, Heinrich. Whose fucking idea was it anyway to take a movie monster to an idiotic, stupid, no-good-for-nothing game? Ah, those bloody ******!!!!" He tosses it away, and mumbles: ,,Ah, I'm not a great king after all…we're just the richest country with land-wide peace and harmony and the biggest army and lots of love. " ,,Wow, you have a lot of trouble, Conker. Then I suppose you don't want to hear that the Feral Bank is being robbed by a dragon." Says the bartender, while washing the dishes. Conker looks up, and he asks: ,,A dragon that robs a bank? Well, there's a new one." ,,Yeah. Well, maybe not yet, but last night there was a hooded guy who was completely drunk. He talk about robbing the bank today at ten with some kind of giant, well-armored, supercharged robotic suite with an attitude. When he exited I followed him, and he was hurling. He pulled of his hood and I saw his dragon head. A real creap. It was like a horned crocodile with spikes as ears, and those golden eyes…" ,,A golden, horny dragon?" ,,No, King Conker, a horned dragon with golden eyes." ,,That was what I said, a horny dragon." ,,I give up. You're too drunk. Just take this machinegun, shoot that weasel that doesn't wants to pay, then take this effervescent tablet and scram to that **** bank, you stupid, little *********************!!!" ,,Alrightiedido." Says Conker in a drunk mood. He grabs the machinegun and walks to the weasel. ,,Hee, king, wazzup?" ,,This, dirty weasel!" Says Conker, and he starts spreading bullets. The gun goes click, and he watches the weasel who has been turned into mincemeat. ,,Well, bye!" Says Conker happily, while he grabs the tablet and walks away. But in the bar, the bartender cries sad, because Conker has not only hit the weasel, but every bottle too…  
  
The weasels stand up with their machineguns, and Rodent stands near Conker. ,,Everything's ready, C-Conker!!!" ,,Right, general! Let that Technodragon come!!!" Then, the door slids open. In walks a man in a hood, his face hidden by darkness. ,,Identify yourself!" Says the weasel commander. They hear a disturbed laugh, and the man says: ,,Alright." Then, he throws away his hood, but before they can see his face, he pulls out a giant 25 mm cannon from his pants and starts firing at the weasels at the front. The most of them are killed within a second, but the others quickly duck away. ,,Wow!!! There's a lot of space into those pants, hiding such big fuckin' cannons!" Conker says admiring, and then he locks at the guy. He notices that he wears the same clothing that Berri wore, but this one has also bullet holes. The globes are ripped and out of them sticks claws, and he has the head of a dark lizard, with 2 horns on his ears, which can hardly be seen. ,,I always thought Dragons looked different." The dragon sighs, and he says: ,,Come on. You really thought that we could fly and breath fire? No, thanks. I prefer technology. But, if you really want to have a fair fight…then PULL OUT YOUR SWORD!!!" He throws away the Vulcan cannon, and stands in a fighting pose. Conker pulls out his katana, and makes some impressive karatemoves. Then he strikes the dragon, but the blade just splinters. ,,O boy. Can it get any worse?" The dragon puts on sunglasses, a gas mask and then pulls out a huge lightsaber. Then he throws a gas grenade, and the entrance hall is filled with gas. ,,I just had to ask!" Says Conker annoyed, but then he nearly got sliced by the lightsaber. Conker quickly touches the lamp above his head and puts on a gas mask, and then he touches it again for a lightsaber. The dragon walks towards him, while saying: ,,You can't deny your destiny, Conker! Now, enter the code or prepare to be sliced!" ,,O, now THAT'S original!!!" Says Conker taunting, and he fights with the dragon. Conker jumps over him, but the dragon slices the end of Conker's tail. ,,HOT!!! HOT!!!" Conker blows over his burning tail, and he puts away his lightsaber in exchange for a rocketlauncher. The dragon leaps towards him, but Conker just fires it, and a rocket looks around, and then rams the dragon, who is immediately thrown trough the door. ,,Well, that's the end of that. I'm great!" But then, the floor starts to rumble, and trough the roof crashes a black robotic suit with a long helmet, jetpacks on the back and huge arms and huge claws. In it's right claw, he holds Gregg the Grim Reaper. The darkened helmet opens, and Conker can see the dragon's face. ,,Nice try, Conker. But Techno Dragons have also tails!" ,,Oh, crap." Says Conker, and he quickly dodges Gregg who has been thrown away. ,,ENTER THE CODE, CONKER!!!" Yells the dragon, and he hits a pillar, who crashes down to the ground. ,,Now what makes you think, if you can think with those peanut brains lizards have, that I know the code?" ,,1: you're the king. And 2: Berri told me." Conker looks shocked, bet then he says angrily: ,,Not funny." ,,Who says that I'm joking?" Conker gets really angry now, and he fires his rocketlauncher. The dragon isn't knocked over though, and he just laughs. ,,Do you call THAT a weapon? Here, I'll show you weapons!!!" The claws of the robotic suit fall of, and out of them come 2 barrels of Vulcan cannons. From his arms claps open hatches, and out of them come SAM- sites, from his middle comes 2 lasercannons and from his hips flamethrowers. ,,Oh, you just GOT to be kidding me!!!" Conker says scared, and he quickly runs away to dodge a laserbeam. The dragon laughs, and from inside his cockpit he uses a target screen to aim for Conker. Then he smiles, and says: ,,Hasta la vista, bloody squirrel." From his back comes a gigantic rocketlauncher. Then it fires a rocket which is as big as the robot itself. Conker runs towards the vault, but the rocket hits him and the entire hall is blown op. ,,Gotcha." The Robot Dragon walks towards the vault and jumps out of his suit. He enters a code, but he gets electrified instead. ,,Blast it. She has given the wrong code. Well, at least I've got rid of that squirrel. I just go back to my safeplace in the boiler room near Bats Tower and teach that bitch a lesson that she won't forget." He jumps in his suit, and flies away, crashing trough the roof.   
  
,,Uh, my head. What has happened?" Conker looks around, and sees a destroyed hallway. ,,Conker, are you alright?" Asks Rodent worried, but Gregg says angry: ,,Of course he's alright! Those bloody tail things! They are just as annoying as those **** cats!!!" ,,Not for me, they are. But I wonder what that dragon meant by Berri…" Conker wonders. Rodent thinks, and he says: ,,Yeah, you're right. Gregg, you're the Grim Reaper, right? Do you know if Berries sole is in the Afterlife?" ,,Sorry, classified information." Gregg looks annoyed at Rodent. ,,Grim Reaper, please say it. Is Berri alive or dead?" Conker gives him big puppy dog eyes, and Gregg sighs. ,,Alright, mate, I'll tell ya. She is alive. Chipmunks maybe don't have tails, but they have something else: tongues." ,,And I thought tails with extra lives were weird." Says Conker, but then he looks happy. ,,Um…Conker?" Asks Rodent, and then Conker yells happily. ,,YES!!! SHE'S ALIVE!!! WHOOO-HOOO!!! I can have an other change! YES!!!!" ,,STOP!!!! Didn't you hear what that dragon said? He said that Berri told him that you knew the entrance code. And that she has given a security code. Conker, sorry that I say this, but Berri is now working with him." Conker looks angry at Gregg, and he threatens: ,,She is not working with him, Gregg. And if you say something bad about her again, I'll strangle you and kick you back to hell!" ,,O, well. Love makes blind. See ya, Conker." With that, Gregg disappeared. ,,Conker, that dragon said that he would go back to his hide- out in the boiler room of the underwater tunnels near Bat's Tower. How about going to that place?" ,,Well, we can try it. Get my grapplinghook and machineguns. We're going in." ,,Yes, Sir!!" Says Rodent, and he salutes.  
  
Rodent, a weasel guard in CIA clothing and a pistol and Conker in stealth clothing stand before the vault. ,,Do you know the combination?" Asks the weasel guard, but Conker shakes his head. ,,No, those bloody catfish didn't let me near it. Classified information. I need to think about this one." Conker sits before the vault, and then a lamp appears above his head. ,,Eureka!! I've got it!" He pulls out some dynamite, and Rodent asks: ,,Where do you get all those stuff from?" ,,Don't you know that? B-Zones, but they are also known as Context Sensitive. They can items appear wich you need at that current place and time. They are a great help. To use them, Birdy the Scarecrow must show it to you. Now, stand back!" Conker plugs it in, and they al duck away behind a rock. Then Conker pulls out a plunger and presses it. A loud noise is heard, and the door of the vault is open. They ran into it, but only to discover that it's been protected by lasers. ,,Ah, gimme a break!!!" Says Conker, but then another B- lamp appears. He pulls a pile of sticking mirrors out, and throws it to the generators of the lasers. They deflect each other, and then they disappear. ,,Come on!!" Yells Conker, and he pulls out a crossbow with the grappling hook attached. He aims it for the big, round iron door, and fires it. The claw sticks in a hole, and they go over the water. Conker opens the door, and they walk to the boiler room. ,,Oh, my, god." Rodent says scared. The entire boiler room has turned into some kind of weapons room. In the room where the beer was stands now the robotic suit, and every where are closets with weapons and battle fatigues. In the middle of the room there's a large table with a computer and a hologram display. And in the right corner, near the entrance, there is a torturing room. ,,Wow, does this guy has an army or is he fond of fucking supercharged weapons?" Says Conker surprised. ,,This could be the beginning of a revolt." Says the weasel, but then they hear footsteps. ,,Quick, hide!!!" Says Conker, and they quickly duck behind the Robotic Suit. ,,I'm sorry, Tekna. But I was SURE that was the right code!!!" Conker looks to the dragon, and he says: ,,At least now I know my enemies name…Tekna, huh…what fucking stupid…but that other voice sounds so familiar…" Then Tekna turns around, and in walks…Berri in her Matrix clothing!!! Conker wants to jump to her, but Rodent stops him. ,,Conker, does she looks like she is a prisoner?" Rodent says, and Conker admits that this is strange. ,,Oh, well, better luck next time. I just need to place my super- ultra- mega- deluxe- supercharged- superderduper heat laser, and that safe is history! And next time YOU come with me, understood?" ,,Yes, Tekna huney." Se says annoyed, but Conker is ready to jump out of his skin. ,,Why that *****, no good for nothing *****!!! I will teach that bastard a lesson that he never forgets!!!" He pulls out his machineguns, but once again Rodent stops him. ,,Don't act like that, missy! Don't forget that I was the one that saved you from space and operated you to remove those bullets! That miserable king knew that the Mob Boss was about to kill you, but he only get distracted by the Panther King! And when you was shot and thrown into space, it was Conker who forgot to bring you back! Remember?" ,,Yeah…I can't believed I loved him and trusted him. He was always so kind to me…and that mission was fun too." She says sad, and a tear runs over her face. Conker is starting to cry too. ,,But, like, why do you want to rob that bank? Like, you don'' have enough place in that tin- can." ,,Wrong, Berri. I don't want the money. The professor has hide some mutation gen in there that kan make you a cyber beast. And if I mixture that with the Tedyz and make them cyborgs…I will have an ultimate army to conquer Conk, just like my mentor the Weasel Professor wanted it!!!" ,,Damn, don't say that he had an student! And to make matters worse, his student is a DRAGON!!!" Tekna looks towards his suit, and from his suit he grabs a remote. He activates something, and the suit moves away. But they quickly run with it. ,,Hm. Must be my imagination. Oh, well." Says Tekna, and he moves it back. Conker, the weasel and Rodent quickly run with it. ,,So, what's the plan, mad professor?" Asks Berri. Tenka laughs soft, and he says: ,,Easy. You're gonna pay him a visit. I already know what will happen. I already confused him, so when he sees you, he will do anything. And if he doesn't…well, you know." Berri nods, and she grabs a REALLY big machine gun, with telescope and an aiming laser. ,,Yeah. Then I will, like, pay him back." Tekna laughs, and he throws away his raincoat and his shirt. But he hasn't got a normal upperbody, no. It's almost like a scaly army, with little horns on his shoulders and elbows. Then the top of the backside of his pants slid away, and a long, wip-like tail slings out. ,,Ah, much better. It really hurt to had it in my pants." ,,Yeah, well, wont you mind to do that when I'm not around?" ,,Yes, I would mind, stupid chipmunk. I still can't believe your romance…a chipmunk and a squirrel…" Tenka laughs, but Berri says: ,,Oh? And how about this: a chipmunk and a dragon who is supposed to be instinct? So don't get near me, got it?" Tenka ignores her, and he grabs with his tail a disc from his pants. ,,On this little beauty stands all of mine plans. I'm going out without the robot, so guard it with your life." Says Tenka, and he puts it on the holographic table. Berri nods, and Tenka goes away. ,,We need to get that disc!!!" Says Conker, but the weasel says shocked: ,,But how? It's an impossible mission." ,,Hey, Conker, look over here. A ventilation shaft. And I think it ends above that table. If we could distract Berri…" ,,Say, what did you say about a impossible mission?" Says Conker, with a big smile on his face.  
  
CHAPTER 2: MISSION: POSSIBLE  
  
Conker crawls through the shaft, until he reaches the end. He removes it, and waits till Rodent starts the diversionary move. Berri walks through the room, but then Rodent comes rolling down the entrance. ,,Yeh, I knew the other shaft leaded to the entrance." Says Conker. Berri pulls out her double machineguns, and Rodent says: ,,Oh, where am I now? Crap, I really thought that was the door to the harbour. But now I rolled down that pad, crashing trough the door and ended up here. Oh, well. At least this armour worked." ,,Like, who are you, wise guy?" Berri asks, and Rodent says: ,,Private Rodent, at your service. I needed to go to the harbour and go in a line with the others. But I thought the river was a shortcut." ,,Well, I will lead you out, but only for 2 minutes. Understood?" ,,Yes, Ma'am! Thank you very much!" Says Rodent, and he salutes. Berri looks annoyed, and she says: ,,Yeah, whatever. Come on."   
They walk away, and Conker quickly gives the rope to the weasel behind him. Then he adjust it to his belt, and goes down the rope to the console. ,,Easy does it, easy does it…" Says the weasel, while Conker is going down. He wants to grab it, but then he sees lasers around it. ,,Ah, crap." Conker grabs mirrors from his belt, and places them. The lasers disappears, and he goes further down. Then he can grab it, but he slides quickly to the ground. The weasel grabs the rope, and next to his head is a dead little fire imp. He pulls the rope up, and Conker grabs the disk. But then he hears someone coming. He puts it down and grabs the mirrors, and the weasel pulls the rope up. Conker hangs above the table, but out of sight. Berri leans towards the table, and she says: ,,I will go to sleep. This is boring to hell." Then she lies on the chair, and she closes her eyes. -This is my change.- Conker thinks, and he goes down. But then, a sweat drip falls of his face. Conker quickly catches it, and he goes down again. He places the mirrors and grabs the disc. ,,Gotcha." He says happily, but to loud. Berri looks at him, and Conker says: ,,Hello, honey." Berri wants to grab her guns, but she is knocked out by a pipe that hits her head. Rodent stands there shaking, and he says: ,,I think it's time to leave." Conker nods, and he cuts the rope. The weasel slides down the rope, and they run to the exit. Within no time at all, they have reached the exit of the vault. ,,GO, GO, GO!!!" Yells Conker, but then Tekna steps trough the door. ,,Well, well, well…Conker the King. Sorry, but you won't leave today. I want to introduce you to a friend of mine." He grabs a capsule, and presses a big red button on the wall. Then, the floor slides open, and he throws the capsule into the water. ,,It may not be mutant gen, but it is good." Then, the water takes shape of a human body, and inside appears a steel skeleton with laser eyes. ,,O, shit." Rodent says, and Tekna runs past them, laughing. They want to pursue him, but the vault closes. ,,*****!" The Weasel says, put they need to dodge the laser eyes. Conker look around, and sees a B- Zone near a corner. ,,Now, that gives me an idea." Conker jumps on it, and he grabs a mirror. ,,This is it? O, don't say…" But then, the robot is charging again, and Conker holds the mirror before him. The laser hits the robot instead, and he's shutdown for a minute. Conker quickly walks to a B- Zone before the robot, and he presses it. He grabs a lamp, and throws it into the water. The robot gets fried, but then he attacks again, but this time with his hands. Conker stands before a pipe, and the robot crushes it while trying to hit Conker. Oil slicks on the robot's waterskin, and Conker says: ,,Of course! Oil is lighter then water, and it flows on water! And seeing it's extremely burnable…" Conker smiles, and he jumps on the B- Zone. He grabs a flamethrower, and fires it on the robot, and his water vaporise. The robot crashes on the ground, and Conker smashes its head with a frying pan. The robot tries to stand up, but he explodes instead. ,,Come on!!! This place is gonna blow!!!" Yells the weasel, and they quickly jump out of the vault and into the water. Then a avalanche closes the entrance with fallen rocks. ,,Well, I would like to see Tekna get into that." Says Rodent happily, but Conker looks sad. ,,Berri…why? I loved you…" A tear dropped into the water.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 3: THE ASSASIN  
  
Conker sits drunk on his throne. On the table stands a bottle of beer, with 2 glasses, both empty. The weasel soldiers are worried, and they say: ,,Come on, Conker. You must organise a defence. If Rodent's right, Berri will kill you if you don't give the code." ,,Ah, I don't care a crap. I've lost her, and she follows that slicked reptile now. I will kill that lizard, even if I need to blast him until all of his lives are over! " Conker spins with his head, and then falls asleep. ,,It's no use. Come on. We can better help Rodent tracking down the Weasel Mob boss, Eal Wapone." Says the fat one, and they walk away. But when they exit, a shadow sneaks in trough the window. The shadow grabs a gun, and only the light from the NVG are seen. Conker opens his eye, and smiles. Conker thinks with a smile on his face. The shadow comes closer, closer, closer…until it's only a meter away from Conker. The shadow tries to get closer, but then Conker grabs two Uzi's and starts shooting, while yelling: ,,DIE, YOU MOTHERBUZZER!!!! SON OF A BITCH!!! STINKBREATH!!!" The shadow tries it best to dodge the bullets, but the bullets get closer every second. Then the light goes on, and the shadow ducks away behind a pillar. ,,COME ON OUT, FREAKSHOW!!! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE PLANNING!!! I GOT YOU'RE DISC!!!" The shadow wants to move again, but then a ting is heard. ,,SUCKER!!! You've stepped on a mine! And don't try anything funny with you're tail, because only I can shut those off." Conker walks towards the mine, and he sees a character in black stealth- clothing with a hood and a NVG. Conker pulls it of, but he sees Berri's face instead of Tenka's face. ,,Fancy meeting you here, you son of a bitch." ,,Nice to see you again , only I hoped it was without guns and peacefully." Says Conker. Berri looks angry, and she says: ,,Shut up, Conker! I hate you! You had a chance to rescue me, but you didn't do it! I know you worked together with the Panther King!" ,,HELLO!!! He wanted me as a fourth table leg for his milk table! And how was I supposed to know what would happen? I didn't knew that the mob boss worked for that **** of a king! Thank god that he's dead, although I needed to get rid of a alien after that. And how do you know about all this?" ,,Tenka told me!" ,,And he was there, right? And how do you know that? He couldn't get unseen out of that spaceship!" ,,HE WAS OUTSIDE, IN HIS ROBOT SUIT!" Berri shouts. Conker sighs, and then he says: ,,Outside, huh? Listen, Berri. Listen good. The professor created the Tediz so that he could conquer Conk, but that dragon is a maniac! He doesn't wants to conquer this land, he wants to destroy it with those Mutants! After that, he will turn every survivor into a dragon, and will continue until every living creature is a dragon! I read it on his disc! He's a **** madman!" Berri looks shocked, and Conker deactivates the mine. ,,We will never love each other again, but I will say farewell to you now and I will say this: I will never give the code for the vault, and you two will never get trough. I guarantee that." Conker walks back to his throne, but then the wall explodes. Berri jumps trough this, and trough the window he can see Berri disappear on the back of Tenka's robotic suit. ,,Farewell, Berri…"  
  
  
That was the end of the first chapters! Hope ya enjoyed it! And if ya don't, you can walk to hell, ya bloody ********! 


	2. Part 2: The Tediz and their creator are ...

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Conker. Rare does. Man, if I only did own it…then I would be really rich!

CHAPTER 4: Hunt-ator. 

Tekna sits angry on his futuristic looking chair. In his hands, he holds a bottle of nitroglycerine, and drinks it. He burps, and fire shoots from his nose. ,,That  you can drink that stuff. If I would try that, I would turn into a pile of  ashes!" Says Berri, disgusted by the dragon and his favourite drink. ,,SHUT UP!!!" Yells Tekna, and he stands up. Berri falls over  by the looks of the mighty dragon, that now looks like it's 3 times bigger than Berri. ,,YOU SHOULD HAVE FORCED THE CODE OUT OF HIM!!! THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO GET INTO THE VAULT! AND NOW HE KNOWS THE SECRET OF MY MUTAGEN, SO HE WILL DESTROY IT!!!!" Yells Tenka, and little flames come out of his mouth. ,,Wow, easy, lizardbreath! I thought you said that dragons can't breathe flames." Tenka "shrinks" to normal size, and he says with a big smile: ,, It's because of the nitro. Impressive, huh?" ,,Whatever. But what are your plans now?" Asks Berri. Tenka laughs, and then, the door of the lab opens. In walks the mob boss, but when he sees Berri, he looks frightened. ,,O, shit." ,,YOU!!! YOU FUCKING MOTHER*****!!!! I WILL RIP THAT HEAD OF YOURS AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, SHOOTING ME!?! AND NEVER, EVER CALL ME DOLLFACE AGAIN!!!" Yells Berri, and she pulls out her machineguns. She wants to fire it, but Tenka's tail grabs the guns and throws them away. ,,Easy, Berri. He is here to help me. Eal Wapone, do you have received my blueprints?" ,,Yeah, I have them. And thanks to the crashed spaceship, my people have  build it. Now, we can talk about the money. 1 million dollars. In cash, no cheques." ,,WHAT!?! Alright. How about 1 million bullets, you asshole?" Says Berri, and she pulls out a pistol. Tenka gives a threatening look at her, and he says to Eal Wapone: ,,I know something better. When it is launched and I have destroyed the bank, you can have all the money in the main underground vault, and I will give you the command over all of mine weapon industries." ,,Wow. Alright, you got yourself a deal. But I only want the money and a safe place to hide in your 'Mutant Wars'." Says Eal Wapone greedily. Tenka nods, and he says happily: ,,Good. Then we will move all this to the launch platform on the island. I only hope that  they won't have discovered it in the ruins of the Tediz Island." ,,Whatever. I just want to leave this place. I need some fresh air, not this stinking air." Says Berri angrily. Tenka smiles, and then laughs, a long and maniacal laugh. ,,Men, what's up with those evil monsters and their stupid laughs? O, well. At least they pay good." Says Eal Wapone, while exiting the place.

,,KING!!! KING!!! WE HAVE DISCOVERED ACTIVITY ON TEDIZ ISLAND!!!" Yells Franky, while jumping to Conker in the throne room. ,,What? O, my giddy aunt! This may be it! I bet my tails for it that Tenka is behind this! Organise an attack force! Who knows what he is planning!!!" ,,Right, Conker! We will leave in an hour!" Says Rodent, and he walks away.

The sergeant, 10 well- armed squirrel soldiers, Conker and 5 weasel guerillas stand in a armoured carrierboat. They load their weapons, and the captain yells: ,,TEDIZ ISLAND, DEAD AHEAD!!! But it looks like no-one is there. But I can see the ruins of the fortress…o, my god!" ,,What, captain!" ,,It looks like a launch platform, with some kind of spaceship, King! But I don't see forces!" ,,That Tekna wants to go into space? Good, then he can join his teacher in space!" Says Conker, and he grabs his shotgun. Within a few minutes, they have reached the island. The hatch opens, and they jump out.

A green armoured imp runs to Tenka, and he peeps loudly. ,,Well, well, well. Looks like an attack force has landed on the island. Eal Wapone, prepare the launch sequence. And don't worry about our playmates, because they will find an ugly surprise in the jungle…" Tenka laughs softly, and he prepares himself for the launch.

Conker and his troops quietly sneak trough the jungle, and the sergeant says: ,,Listen! I haven't heard such a sound since the last war." They listen closely, and hear some mumbling. They follow the sound, and then find a camp with Tediz. ,,Hold it! They were all wiped out in that explosion! How is this possible!" Says a squirrel soldier frightened. ,,Yeah. But with that dragon, nothing surprises me anymore. Sarge, you have some grenades?" ,,Of course! Let's blow those Tediz ***** sky high! Those stupid shitheads!" He says happily, but then all the Tediz got sliced, and a red alert goes off. ,,What the fuck? We didn't do anything!" Says Conker suprised, but then a truck rolls to a dynamite storage, and the camp blows up. When the smoke has cleared, every Tedi is dead. ,,Let's take a closer look. I want to know what's going on." Says Conker, and he grabs his machineguns. 

They walk to the camp, but what they don't notice, is that the weasel soldiers disappear, one by one. ,,Strange. Hey, where are the weasels?" The Sarge asks surprised. And then, a soldier gets shot by a plasma blast, and he explodes, scattering blood and organs everywhere. ,,Ah, great. Not another movie monster!" Says Conker annoyed, and then a cloaked figure jumps from the bushes. They start firing, and the Sarge grabs an 9 mm mini gun and starts firing everywhere. ,,DIE, YOU MOTHER*****!!!!" They stop firing for a minute, but then a soldiers head gets pierced by 2 blades. The blades pull trough his head, and the parts from his head fly everywhere. Now the monster makes his entrance. His cloaking device goes up, and a Predator like being can be seen, only this one has a skull helmet, guns on both of his shoulders, and a green skin, and large legs and arms with long blades on his hands. The creature screams, and Conker yells: ,,RUN!!!!" They start running, but the soldiers all get sliced or shot, and within a few second there is blood and organs everywhere. 

The Sarge and Conker stands there afraid, while firing. ,,How do we defeat this monster?" Asks the Sarge afraid. Conker thinks, and he says: ,,I can only think about one thing: RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIVES!!!" Then, they start running as they never run before, while the monster pursues them. 

They jump over ridges, trees and rocks, while the monster climbs trough the trees. After a while, they come to a broken jeep. ,,Come on!" Yells Conker, and they jump behind it, and then start firing at the shadows in the tree, knowing that every shadow is a hideout for the monster. ,,Hey, watch out with those guns, okay?" They turn their heads, and see Berri in camo- gear that fires with a bazooka at the trees. ,,Berri? What are you doin' here?" ,,I said to Tenka that I would go away to get some fresh air, but I wanted to check on you guys. I was the one that send you that tip, and I got worried when I heard of his little Frankenstein Experiment, a super Huntator. I you ask me, he watched to many movies." ,,O.K., but why are you helping us? I thought you hated me." Asks Conker suspicious. Berri ducks to dodge a plasmashot, and then says: ,,Because this is his first Mutant: he used the most important ingredient of the Mutant Gene and then mixed it with a lizard. But without the proper stabilising, it would even kill the Tediz Guards. And you're my only chance to discover more of his intentions." ,,Say, do you know his weak spot?" Asks the Sarge, and Berri says: ,,Yeah. He ha a huge weakness for many, but I don't have any money with me." The Sarge looks at Conker, and Conker asks: ,,What? O, wait, I'm not sacrificing my million dollars! You know what kind of trouble I went trough to collect them on my bad fur day?" Berri aims her bazooka at Conker, and he quickly says: ,,Alright, I'm doing it, I'm doing it!" Conker jumps over the jeep, uses his helicoptery tail thing, and throws his money away. 

As soon as the Huntator comes close, the money yells: ,,HEY, WE'RE OVER HERE, SHIT HEAD!!!" The Huntator grabs the money, and starts counting it. Conker grabs his machineguns, and runs towards it. Conker aims the Uzis, and starts firing with al his bullets at the monsters head. The beast howls, and then falls to the ground. Conker walks to it, and puts of his helmet. Conker gasps in horror by the ugly face. ,,What is it, Conker? A pig?" ,,Or, like, a lizard?"  Conker turns around, and he says: ,,Worse. It's a...LAWYER!!!" They scream in horror, and the hunt-ator stands up. ,,Yes, sir. I love money. And I'm going to sue you, and I already know the perfect punishment for disturbance of the law."  He laughs, and it presses a big red button on his left wrist with 'Don't ever press this you mother****!' on it. ,,WARNING!!! SELFDESTRUCT IN ONE SECOND!!!" ,,Ah, gimme a break!!!" Says Conker, while he runs away with the others. 

Within a second, a explosion wipes out the area, while they are running as heard as they can to stay ahead. After a while, they reach the launch platform. ,,Alright, I will help you get in. But you need to hurry: Tenka will launch it within one minute!" Warns Berri, and Conker says: ,,Thanks, Berri. Come on, Sarge!" Then, they quickly run away, trough the entrance door. Berri snickers, and she says: ,,Farewell, suckers!!!"

CHAPTER 5: METAL FEAR FURRY

After a while, they reach a metal door, which is to big for the Sarge. ,,Ah, crap this shit! Looks like you're on your own from now own, king!" ,,Damn! I knew something like this would happen!" Says Conker angrily. ,,I will help you over radio, kid. I'm going back to the boat and ask for assistance. Good luck." ,,Yeah. I will do this. I'm gonna find out what his plans are." Says Conker, while the Sarge returns. He sneaks in trough the door, and comes in a lockers room. ,,Well, well. Looks like I can swift my clothing. And hey…there's a nice one!" Conker walks towards a box, and grabs from it a rubber, black suit with a bleu jacket. Conker pulls it on, and grabs his shotgun. Then he puts on a bandana, and he says: ,,Yeah, let's do this. Ho, hold it, hold it! Whose **** idea was it to give me this bandana? It's already a humilitaion that this is a parody from Metal Gear Solid! I refuge to wear this bandana!" 

C: ALRIGHT. WE'RE SORRY.

The bandana disappears, and Conker says: ,,Thanks, guys."

C: YOU'RE WELCOME. 

,,O, and one more thing. Can I get an other weapon than a shotgun? Like a sword?" 

C:  NO.

,,Ah, fuck you."

C: ALRIGHT, CUTIE.

,,No, I was just joking, just joking! Go fuck yourself."

C: PARTYPOOPER. 

,,Yeah, I know." Says Conker, and he fires his shotgun at the screen. A dropping body can be heard, and he says: ,,That will teach Rareware to hire Big Guy Al. And now on. Seeing that this is a Metal Gear Parody, I can better be careful." Then he walks away. 

After a minute or so, he comes to the launch platform, that's heavily guarded by Tediz. ,,Where did they come from?" Says Conker surprised. He looks around, but there's no safe way in. Conker looks around, and he sees a big machine gun. ,,Well, I guess I should do it the hard way. A big machinegun, guarded by 10 Tediz. I love a challenge." Conker runs to them, and quickly shoots the first 5 trough the head. The others ran to him, but he jumps over their heads on the machine gun, and starts blasting them. Within seconds, Tediz- mint is every where. But then, the real forces come bulging in. ,,Alright. This is just like the wasps hive, only they have guns and I don't have an honey shield." Says Conker scared, and he starts blasting them. They keep swarming in, but they are soon scattered in pieces and the walls have a green- yellow colour. ,,O yeah, what a rush!" Conker says thrilled, and he jumps of the machine gun. But then he can hear a female computer voice: ,,LAUNCH OF SHIP WITHIN ONE MINUTE!!! EVERY INTRUDER THAT WANTS TO GET ON, BETTER BE QUICK! HURRY UP, YOU IDIOT!!" ,,Well, better do what it says." Says Conker, and he walks to the ship. But then, he gets blasted away by a missile. Conker looks around, and he sees a huge robot. It has the shape of a metallic Green Raptor head, 2 iron legs and 9 mm miniguns as arms, and 2 missile launchers on it hips. The beast dodges fore ward, but Conker yells: ,,TIME-OUT, TIME-OUT!!! I want to speak to the programmers!"

C: WHAT NOW?

,,I don't mind wearing a bandana and play in a MG Parody, but why do you need to use an Metal Gear rip- off? Huh?"

C: YEAH, WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS?

B: UHM, MINE.

C: GREGG? THAT'S IT, YOU'RE BACK TO YOUR OLD JOB!!!

B: WHAT? BUT YOU CAN'T DO THIS!

C: NO BUTS!

Then, Gregg appears with a 'poof', and he mumbles: ,,Man, I finally got a decent job, then I got fired by the stupid powers that be. Stupid Rareware…now it's back to bloody cats and squirrels with to many tails. Ah, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." ,,Alright, now get rid of this guy here. I don't even have time to battle it."

C: ALRIGHT. WE'LL GET RID OF THAT STUPID OUTFIT OF YOURS TO.

The Metal Idiot collapses, and Conker says: ,,They don't build them as they used to." Then Conker's normal outfit reappears, and he says: ,,Thanks, guys. Alright, it's crocodile hunting time." Conker grabs his shotgun, and runs to the elevator that's connected with the ship. The elevator goes up, while there's only 6 seconds left…

5 seconds, 7 floors…

4 seconds, 6 floors…

3 seconds, 5 floors…

2 seconds, 4 floors…

1 second, 3 floors…

Then, the spaceship is launched, but Conker quickly grabs a ladder that's still connected to it, and he climbs to the airlock, while the heat of the atmoshpere gets worse and worse. And then, he makes it just in time to the airlock, and he jumps in it. ,,I made it…now to kick some lizards butt."

CHAPTER 6: CLASS REUNION

Conker walks trough the corridors of the spaceship. It looks like the Vault in the Heist Chapter, only with more wires and light. 

After a while, he reach the cockpit. It's the same size of the Vault and the same ship, only without the airlock and the panels and the drivers seat are on the risen plateau. However, there's no one there. ,,What the fuck is going on?" Asks Conker surprised, but then he feels cold iron against his head and hears a familiar voice saying: ,,Gotcha." 

He slowly turns around, and sees Tenka in a spacesuit, holding the gun. Behind him is Berri, who has captured the Sarge. ,,O, come on. Did you really, like, thought I would help you? You was the one who let me almost being killed. You know how much those bullets hurt?" Tenka laughs, and he says: ,,Since I can't reach your safe, squirrel, I have something else in plan. Professor Weasel is still floating in outer space, and I'm going to get his corpse for the information in his brains." ,,Man, that plan is ridiculous! Even if you can find his body, won't you think it's exploded by the space pressure? You stupid little idiot." Conker laughs, but then Tenka points out to Berri. Conker stops laughing, and says: ,,O, yes. You got me there." Then, the monitors start flashing. Tenka smiles, and he says: ,,Ah, good. We have reached the spot. Berri, I'm going outside. Keep an eye on them, will ya?" ,,Yeah, whatever." Tenka walks away, and Conker sits in an corner, together with the Sarge. 

,,Sarge, you think we can escape?" Whispers Conker, while Berri is playing a Gameboy Advance game. ,,Well, it's easy to knock her out, but there aren't any escape pods. That Tenka is pretty overconfident. Fuck the bastard to hell." ,,Yeah." Conker looks around, and a minute later they hear the airlock open. Berri looks an the monitors, and she says: ,,Huh? Why is he going to the surgery room, near the weapons room and the shuttle bay?" ,,Okay. It's now or never." Says Conker, and they silently stand up. They walk to Berri, and then knock her out with their heads. 

Sarge rips the ropes with his muscles, and then frees Conker of his handcuffs. They ran down the hallways, and then they come in the weapons room. ,,Oh, where do I start?" Says Conker drooling, while looking at the countless weapons. The Sarge grabs an Avenger, and Conker a Super Dragon, that are both featured in Perfect Dark. ,,Long live Rare!" They yell together, and they go into the dress room. A minute later, they step out in Lost in Space- clothing. ,,LET'S DO THIS!!!" They yell, and they charge trough the hallway. 

They blast every security camera, and they run as fast as they can to the shuttlebay. And after a while, they reach a long entrance hall. ,,Where could this lead to?" Asks Sarge. Conker thinks, but then, they hear sounds behind them. Conker turns around, and in the distance, they see walking mines, but now with nasty chainsaws instead of bombs. ,,O, fuck that shit!" Says the Sarge, and they run for their lives. They reach the end of the entrance hall, and they see an elevator. Conker quickly presses a big button on the side of the elevator, but the elevator is really slow. ,,THEY'RE COMING CLOSER!!!" Yells the Sarge, and he starts blasting them. ,,We can only wait! BLAST THEM TILL THE ELEVATOR COMES!!!" Yells Conker, and he blasts the closest one. They just keep coming, and then the Sarge says: ,,NOW IT'S  ENOUGH!!! I'M GONNA BLAST THAT DOOR AND THEN WE JUMP TO THE SHUTTLEY BAY FLOOR!!!!" The Sarge activates a laser, and he starts cutting it, while Conker blasts the things with the grenade launcher function. Then the door falls, and they see that the elevator is already on the floor. ,,Wait a second. This bloody thing was all this time on this floor?" Says the Sarge surprised and with an angry tone. ,,Must have been jammed." Says Conker, and he jumps in. The Sarge jumps also, and the elevator goes too the shuttlebay level. 

They enter it, and they see a little red spaceship, big enough for 2. ,,Come on. This is our chance!" Says the Sarge. Conker shakes his head, and he says: ,,No. We must defeat Tenka first." ,,ZAT IS A LITTLE CHANCE, YOU IDIOTZ!!!" Yells a familiar voice, and they look up to see hatches on the ceiling. From the hatches comes turrets, and they blast the spaceship into oblivion. ,,Oh, fuck that shit! Why did Rare steal so many movie scenes? I watched Episode 1, and I am NOT planning to escape in an troopcarrier full of enemy forces!" Says the Sarge, but then a mechanic Alien drops from the ceiling. ,,O, does it NEVER stops?" Complains Conker, but they duck to dodge the acid beam that the robot spits. Then, a voice calls: ,,HEINRICH, STOP! ZEY ARE MINE!!!" 

A platform drops to their level, and on it are Berri, Tenka ( who is satisfied smiling ) and the Weasel Professor, who has now mechanical legs and a new, black labcoat. And in his right arm, he holds a shotgun. 

,,Oh, fuck." Says Conker, and then he quickly blasts the new Heinrich with a grenade from the Super Dragon. ,,Hey, like, whose idea was it to bring weapons from another game?" Says Berri surprised. Tenka looks ashamed, and he says quietly: ,,Sorry about that." ,,Well, I can forgive you." Says the Sarge taunting, but that was the limit to Tenka, who is easily angered. 

He grabs a bottle of nitro-glycerine, and drinks it till the last drop. He jumps to the Sarge, and burps, spitting out the deadly flames. The Sarge quickly runs away, and the flames are awfully close. Then, Tenka stops. ,,Fuck! I need a bigger bottle!" He looks to a container of nitro-glycerine, and runs to it. Conker and the Sarge both wait, and when Tenka is near it, they start shooting it. It explodes, together with Tenka. But Berri and the Professor are unimpressed, knowing that Tenka has also multiple lives. But then, the Weasel Professor looks frightened. 

They look around, and see that the explosion has caused a giant hole in the bays door. ,,Oh, fuck this shit!" Says the Sarge, and then he got sucked away. He quickly grabs the Weasel Professor by his new legs, and the Prof says: ,,LET GO OF ME, YOU NEANDERSQUIRREL!!!" ,,LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE COMING WITH ME, PROF!" Yells the Sarge, and they both get sucked away. Now, also Berri flies towards the hole. She desperately tries to grab something, but she doesn't succeeds. Conker quickly runs to her, and grabs her hand. Then he grabs with his free hand a pipe that's combined with a pillar. ,,DON'T WORRY, I WON'T LET GO!!!" Yells Conker, but then they fall to the ground, like the pressure is stabilised. They look around, and see that a hatch has covered the hole. 

Conker looks to a lever, and sees Tenka there, still holding it. He smiles evilly, and he says: ,,You owe me one. And you can repay me with your LIFE!!!" Tenka jumps to Conker, but Conker grabs his Super Dragon and blast Tenka in the leg. ,,FUCK!!!" Yells Tenka, and he walks away. Conker jumps to him, and shoots him in the arms. Tenka cries in pain, and he grabs Conker by the neck with his tail. But Conker grabs a knife, and slices the tail right- off. ,,O, NO!!! MY TAIL!!!" Tenka yells, and he crawls away. Conker stands before him, and he says: ,,If I'm gonna kill you, what is sure to happen, I will kill you slow and painfully, all tough I know you will return." Tenka looks angry, but then he is shot in the head. Conker looks around, and he sees Berri holding a gun in her hand. ,,I always wanted to do that." She says satisfied, and then she aims the gun at Conkers head. Then the Professor walks towards her, dragging an unconscious Sarge. 

,,What should we do with them?" Berri asks. The Professor thinks, and then he says: ,,We vill blast zem in a garbage container to ze Frunchie village. After zhat, we can better start working at ze gene, to keep up at schedule." ,,Hold it, doc! How did you return? I mean, you WERE sucked into space." Asks Conker, while he tries to find a way to escape. ,,O, zhat is easy. Tenka is a real genius. He can bring back ze dead by activating a brain and body restorer, and that stupid Gregg ze Grim Reaper was forced to bring my soul back. I mean, if my body is alive, why would I stay in that God forsaken place any longer?" ,,You mean hell?" Asks Berri. The Professor shakes his head, and he says: ,,No, worse. A everlasting special appearance in the Teletubbies, to entertain those stupid motherfuckers at Rareware." ,,Hey, now you pushed to the limit!" Yells Conker, and he jumps to the Professor. The Professor grabs a trash can and puts him in it, and after that the Sarge. ,,Hey, it's kinda busy in here! CAN'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT!?" Yells Conker. The Professor smiles, and he says with an taunting tone: ,,No." After that, he opens a tiny- sized airlock, and throws them out. Conker and the Sarge (who is now awake) are screaming, whole the way down. 

Will they survive the fall trough the atmosphere? Of course they will survive, they are both squirrels and both have tails. And why does the Professor wants to crash them there? And what are they planning to do with the earliest supply of Mutant Gen? And wazzup with that Mechanical Heinrich? In the next chapter, the horrible plans of Tenka and the professor will be revealed…

THAT'S IT FOR NOW!!! PLEASE, R&R!!!


	3. Part 3: Tenka has been playing RE64 to m...

DISCLAIMER: I'm really getting tired of this motherfucking crap. I hate every bit of it, but it are the rules of that stupid, dick- sucking bosses of Fanfiction.Net. TING!!! Huh, E-Mail? Let's see…ONE MORE JOKE LIKE THAT AND WE WILL KICK YOU OUT OF FANFICTION.NET!!! You see what I mean? Just kidding, guys. But alright. The only Conker character and thing that I own, are Tenka the Freaking Dragon Weirdo and his cheap T- Virus rip-off, the Mutant Gen. ( Real original, huh? I know, I'm a genius. But hey, I'm a Egyptian god, remember? ( No I'm not a god, I just call myself Ra 88…what? O, fuck. They've read it! Walk to hell, stupid ****!!!) No offence, guys. Just kidding. DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!!! O, wait…yeah, the Fanfic. I forgot. Sorry about that. O, yeah, one more thing: DON'T FUCK WITH A EGYPTIAN GOD!!!

CHAPTER 7: Resident Frunchies

Conker and the Sarge are waking up, and look around. ,,Hey, where are we?" Asks Conker surprised, while he notices that they wear white pyjamas. The Sarge looks around again, and he sees that they are in an old fashioned bedroom. ,,Looks like we're in the Frunchy Village. Well, that's a lot better than that crappy trashcan." ,,The last thing I remember, is that we were in a trashcan that was extremely hot, and then we probably collapsed." Says the Sarge. Then, the bedroom door opens, and a young female squirrel walks in. ,,Good, you're awake. Just in time to flee." She says happily. They look surprised, and they both say: ,,What  'ya mean, flee?" ,,Pardonnez moi? What a foul grammar! I knew that you two were from the centre of the land!" The squirrel says. But then, they hear screaming.  

,,PAPA!!!" Yells the girl, and she runs out of the room. They hear gunfire, and then people coming up the stairs. A older squirrel breaks in, together with the girl. ,,QUICK!!! BARRICADE THE DOOR!!!" Yells the squirrel, and Conker and the Sarge quickly do so, by placing a couch for the door. ,,What's going on around here?" Asks Conker. The girl looks frightened at them, while the older squirrel aims a shotgun at the door. ,,ZOMBIES!!! They came to life, 2 days after you crashed here! A weird yellow cloud felled on Batula Mansion. Soon after, they all came out of the ground, and sometimes they attack the village. But these can climb staircases, and are faster!" ,,Zombies? Quick, give us a gun!!!" Says the Sarge, and the man points to a closet. They run to it, and grab a shotgun. They run to the door, that is being knocked down by a hungry zombie. They quickly put 3 bullets in it's head, but more and more come. ,,Hum…I wonder. Could a shotgun be the only thing that kills those bastards?" Asks the Sarge. Conker smiles, and he says: ,,Let's find out." He touch a light bulb above his head, and grabs his 2 machineguns. ,,DIE, YOU MOTHERBUZZERS!!" Conker yells, while pumping their heads full of lead. ,,Guess it does." Conker says happily, and he blows the smoke away of his machineguns. ,,Wow, you are really good!" Says the girl. Conker nods, and he asks: ,,Can you tell us how long we have been knocked out?" ,,For about, five days." Says the man. ,,Ah, great. Say, where are those zombies coming from?" Asks Conker. The squirrel thinks, and he says: ,,From inside the mansion. Why?" The Sarge and Conker look at each other, and they say: ,,We're gonna take out those damned Godforsaken zombies!!!" 

They walk up the pad to the mansions gates, in jeans with pistols on it and with black jackets. ,,This wasn't a good idea, King." Says the Sarge, while goosebumps are all over his body because of his fear. ,,Yeah. But I think we are far enough now. Watch this. GREGG!!!" Yells Conker, and then, Gregg the Grim Reaper spins out of the ground. ,,Ooh, my head. That was a bit to hard. Hey, it's that bloody squirrel. What do you want, arsehole?" The Sarge looks enraged, but Conker says: ,,If you give us high-tech, high-pressured shotguns, and 2 magnums, we will get all the souls of the zombies for you." Gregg looks astonished, and he says: ,,Alright, mate. Ya got yourself a deal. Here they are." Gregg pulls 2 shotguns and 2 magnums out of his sleeve, and he says: ,,But be careful. Tenka has played Resident Evil to many times, and he has created a real monster." ,,Let me guess, Resident Evil 2 for the N64, right? Wanna bet that he has been playing with white blood? He's such a weakling, afraid of a little blood." Says Conker smiling, and the Sarge laughs. ,,No, yellow. Now go off and finish this chapter, or else you will never finish this game." Says Gregg annoyed, and he disappears again. ,,Let's kick some fucking undead butt." Says the Sarge, and he locks the gun. Conker nods, and they run to the mansion.

,,I don't like the looks of this." Says the Sarge, while looking at the broken down gate and the sound of gun fire and screams and moans in the background. ,,We can't go back now. Come on!" Says Conker, and he runs towards it. And then, they see it. A crashed jeep, with behind it Frunchies firing at zombies, more gross then ever, with open stomachs and some have no legs, and 4 arms with claws. A zombie jumps to a villager, and rips his head open. Then, it grabs his brains, and starts eating it. ,,Oh, shit." Says the Sarge, just before he throws up. But Conker already jumped on the truck, and started blasting the little bastards heads. However, all villagers are dead. ,,The coast is clear! Come on, this is our chance!" Yells Conker, but the Sarge aims his gun at him. ,,Don't move." The Sarge says, and he fires. Conker hears squeaking, and he looks around, to see one of the villager's corpse laying on the ground. ,,He turned into a zombie. I played the game to, you know." Says the Sarge, smiling. ,,Yeah, luckily, you did. But to bad, I did to, and it made me throw up on Berri…forget I said that." ,,YES, SIR!!!" 

Tenka sits in his big chair in the cockpit of the spaceship, while creating a new, bio mechanical tail.  ,,Stupid squirrel…thanks to him, I now lost my real tail. I'm glad that I'm still alive. If I would die, I would probably go to Sesamstreet, and that's the worst punishment in Hell." Tenka watches to a monitor, that's aimed to the Frunchies village. ,,Stupid zombies…they can't defeat the villagers…I think I should spray them with Mutant Gen again." He goes back with his new tail, but then the alarm goes off. ,,What the fuck!?" Tenka scrolls in, and he sees Conker and the Sarge walking to the mansion, blasting the zombies. ,,CURSE IT!!! They are alive!!! And they are the only ones who can stop my super zombies." ,,You're zombies? Zhat is rich!!!" Says the Professor annoyed, while entering the cockpit. ,,Sorry, my mentor. But I just get carried away. This IS a great experiment, you know? You're Mutant Gen can even bring back the dead, or making them stronger. Who knows what it will do on living creatures? They can become immortal!!!!" Says Tenka with an enthusiastic tone. The Professor sighs, and he says: ,,Sometimes, you can get carried away to much. Well, I'm going to work on the newest Heinrich prototype." ,,Alright. If they succeed, I will blast their sorry little asses into oblivion." Says Tenka with a big smile, and then he looks at another monitor, that features a long-guided missile with multiple warheads. 

Conker and the Sarge are surrounded by the horrible zombies, just for the mansions door. ,,SHOOT THEM!!! SHOOT THEM!!!" Yells Conker, while blasting the closest zombies with 3 shots trough the head. But they get closer and closer. Conker thinks, and then, he gets an idea. ,,Hey, Sarge, how much squirrel tails do you have?" ,,What? I've only got one tail, can't you see that?" ,,No, you dope! Lives!!! Lives!!! Jeech!!!" ,,O, sorry, mister Perfect. I got 5 tails left." ,,Good. THEN EAT THIS!!!" Conker shoots the Sarge, and then himself. 2 seconds later, skeletal hands drop them behind the zombies. ,,Good idea, King!!!" Says the Sarge, and he grabs a grenade. He pulls the pin, and throws it in the middle of the zombies. They look at it, but then they explode, and rotten organs are everywhere. ,,Well, that's have been taken care of. Now, let's go!!! Who knows how many there are inside!!!" Says Conker, and they ram the door. 

Then, Conker gets the chills, while entering this cursed entrance hall, that he knows to well. But now, there are zombies everywhere. They notices them, but the only thing they get to eat, are king-size bullets. ,,Now what? We don't know what direction we need to go too!" Says the Sarge. Conker sees a B- Spot, and he runs to it. A light bulb appears above his head, and he pulls out an Evil Zombies Detector. ,,Okay, according to this, we need to go to the basement. I know where that is! Follow me!!!" Conker walks away, while blasting zombies heads. The Sarge looks around, blasts a bat, and then follows his king.

Conker looks around, while they are in the basement. ,,Weird…there aren't any gasps or traps like that grinder. Every thing is repaired. Must be the work of the Frunchies. To bad those zombies ruined it." Mumbles Conker, but then, they reach  a dead end. ,,O, fuck this shit! It's a dead end!" Says the Sarge annoyed, but Conker sees another B-Zone. He steps on it, the usual light- bulb appears, and he grabs a plastic charge. ,,Alright, THIS is gonna be fun." Says Conker with a big smile, and he places it on the wall. They run away, and then blast it with a magnum. The wall explodes with a big bang, and they run into the newly opened room. ,,O, my giddy aunt. I never expected THIS!" Says Conker, with an open mouth. 

They've just stepped in a HUGE room, and all of the walls are covered with nitro-glycerine containers. ,,This must be Tenka's 'wine cellar'." Says the Sarge. Conker pulls out the E.Z.D., and it's going sky-high. ,,Better be careful. I just hope that it's broken." Says Conker, scared to death. They sneak down the staircase, and walk to the middle of the room. But then, rocks come falling from the ceiling, and a monster drops down to the floor. ,,Conker, is that who I think it is?" Asks the Sarge, terrified. Conker just stands there, while looking at this monster, whose skin has been ripped, spikes are in the place of his chest bones, and he has huge claws and fangs, and a hole in his chest, with a red, beating hart. And it has the same face as Conker's worst enemy. ,,The Fabled Panther King…" Is the only thing that Conker can say. 

,,YES!!! KILL THEM!!! KILL THEM, MY CREATION!!!" Says Tenka excited, while he laughs as a mad scientist. The Prof sits besides him, eating popcorn. ,,I had my doubts about zhis Panzer Project, but it's a real success!" Says the Prof excited, while enjoying the scene. But Berri looks with compassion to the two on the monitor. ,,Isn't this a bit cruel?" She asks. Tenka gives her a dangerous look, and he growls: ,,That's the point. Now SHUT UP AND LET US ENJOY THE  SHOW!!!" Berri mumbles something, and then goes away. 

The Sarge ducks away to evade the Mutant Zombies scorpion like tail, that shot out of his skin on his spiked ass. They run behind him, but it quickly turns, spitting venom. ,,How can he see us?" Asks Conker afraid, and 2 eyes open on his back. ,,Oh. That's how." The Mutant Zombie walks towards them, and Conker shoots in it's hart. It cries, and starts slashing in every direction. ,,Looks like that's its weak spot." Says Conker, while emptying his shotgun at its hart. But then, there grows flesh over it, and Conker can't hurt him anymore. ,,Now what?" Asks the Sarge afraid, while blasting its eyes on the back. It screams, while an eye explodes and blood is scattered everywhere. Conker throws away his empty shotgun, and grabs his Magnum, and he starts blasting the other eye. After a few shots, the eyes are destroyed. But now, the beast is REALLY pissed.

 He runs towards them, and they quickly run to a container. But then, they are cornered, and the Mutant Zombie jumps towards them. They quickly jump aside, and the beast slashes open an container. It's sprayed with the dangerous stuff, but he still walks towards them. ,,NOW, SHOOT IT WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT!!!" Yells Conker, and they start firing. Well, they SHOULD fire with all they've got, but their clips are empty. ,,O, fuck!!" Says Conker, and he ducks to avoid a slashing claw. Conker runs up the staircase, while the Sarge climbs the containers. But then, a light bulb appears above Conkers head. He quickly touch it, and he grabs a bazooka. ,,Well, this could be interesting." Says Conker, and he aims it for the monsters chest. ,,O, o." The Mutant Zombie says with a heavy voice, and the rocket is launched. The monster screams, and then explodes with a loud bang. The Sarge runs towards him, and he says: ,,Nice done, Conker. But I think it's one of those fucking 'lets leg it' moments. Look." The Sarge points out to a leaking container, near the burning body of the undead dead. ,,OH, FUCK!!!" Yells Conker, and they run like they have never run before. 

After a 5 minutes run and dodging zombies, they finally reach the front gates at the graveyard. And then, the entire hill explodes with a huge bang, sending wood, stones and body parts everywhere. ,,Well, I think that includes this chapter. Now, I just wanna get home." Says Conker tired, and he looks up to the stars. But then, he sees 6 rockets coming their way. ,,TENKA IS ANGRY!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" Yells  Conker, and they duck into the water, and the rockets hit the spot they were just on. They come above, and see that there is a giant crater with burning ashes. ,,That was to close for comfort!!!" Says Conker, out of breath. The Sarge nods, still shocked of the fact that they've just escaped from rockets that could've killed them. Permanently. 

A bunch of Frunchies start running towards them, and the oldest says: ,,O, my god! That was unbelievable!" ,,Yes indeed, but fortunately, that cursed mansion is no more. Thanks to you." Says a younger squirrel, while pulling them out of the water. ,,Can we do something for you?" Asks the oldest again, but Conker says: ,,No, thanks. We just wanna go home. We can find the way." ,,Alright. May the mighty Lord always be with you." Says a priest, while they go away, to the tunnel that leads to Happy Valley. 

CHAPTER 8: BEGINNING OF THE END

Conker and the Sarge finally reach the royal throne room. Rodent turns around, and he says happily: ,,CONKER!!! THANK GOD!!! Our sensors picked you two up near the mansion, but I never taught you survived that rocket blast!" ,,Yeah, it was a close call. Do you know about those mutants?" Asks Conker. The Fat Weasel nods, and he says: ,,Yes. They're already attacking the harbour. It are some kind of Tediz and squirrel monsters. I saw them, while I led the defence. But we don't know where they have came from." ,,I do. The cloud that caused this was launched in a capsule in a spaceship that orbits above this land. That was also the thing we've found at the Tediz Fortress ruins." Says Conker, and he grabs a map of Conk. He points to the harbour, and he says: ,,If we place artillery here, we can defend us from their forces. In the mean time, we need to built a spaceship, to battle Tenka's spaceship." ,,A good idea. We will put our scientist right to it." Says the Thin Weasel, but then the door bulges open, and a weasel colonel comes running in. ,,SIR, SIR!!! The harbour has been exploded, and their forces are overwhelming the inland forces! The wasps are good bombers, the Beetles are the best soldiers, and the Bees are good gunners, but they can't hold it out much longer!" ,,WHAT!?! Rodent, think. Are there any kind of spaceships?" Asks Conker, while the Sarge exits together with the squirrel soldier. ,,Well…there is a old one on the top of the Feral Reserve Bank, but it's one of the Professor earliest projects and is a real bucket of bolts." ,,Oh, crap! Well, I take it. Guard, get me these items: a lightsaber, a lasercannon, and my robotic suit. We got no time to lose!!" Commands Conker, and the weasel soldiers run off to get his supplies.

-SOME TIME LATER, FERAL RESERVE BANK NOT SO SECRET ANYMORE SUPER SECRET SPACESHIP- 

Conker sits in the really small spaceship, ready to be launched. The countdown is finished, and the whole thing shakes. ,,TENKA, THIS TIME YOU'RE MINE!!!" Yells Conker, while manoeuvring the ship trough the atmosphere. And after a few minutes, he reaches Tenka's spaceship. Conker kicks the ship in a higher gear, and prepares to ram the ship.

Tenka looks shocked to the ship, that gets closer and closer. ,,HE IS GOING TO RAM US!!!" He yells, while flipping a few switches. The force field is raised, but the shop goes trough it, and crashes in the main hall. ,,He is here…" Tenka says afraid, and he quickly exits the cockpit.

Conker shakes his head, and then jumps out of the ship in a black suit with a yellow, metal backpack, that can transform into his robotic suit any moment he wants to. Conker pulls out his lightsaber, and he says: ,,Let's rock and roll." 

In the meantime, Rodent is sheltering for the grenades of the Mutants in a bunker in Bees Dale. The motherfuckers are just hideous. The Squirrel Mutants have bio- mechanical parts and are muscled, with claws on their right hand and a bio mechanical bazooka on their left arm, like the RE 3 monster Nemesis. And their tails are like black rocks, and just as hard. The Tediz have red eyes, half- mechanical faces and body parts, like iron legs and iron parts on the arms. Small pipes stick out off their shoulders, and fire bullets. On their hands are razor sharp claws. Rodent runs to a big machineguns, and jumps on it. He activates it, and starts blasting them, while squirrel soldiers and Beetles attack them with full force.  Wasps fly over them, and throw grenades and other bombs on their heads, while the bees blast them with their Hive Defence Mechanisms ( or Hive Blasters for short. ) The first wave is stopped, but more and more Mutants come out of the harbour, while barracks are being spread with Mutant Gen clouds, and the soldiers change with horrible pain into the mindless Mutants. ,,I hope that Conker hurries up. We can't hold out much longer. Those bastards are indestructible!!!" Says Rodent afraid, while the stopped waves are getting up again. 

CHAPTER 9: BATTLE OF THE MACHINES

Conker pulls out his laser gun and blasts the Mech Spiders that are coming closer and closer. However, Conker activates his suit, and the yellow compartments clap over the black suit. He punches the Mech Spiders away, and walks to a closed door. He rips it with no problem, and he is now in a long walkway, protected by 3 experimental Tediz Mutants, that are slower and weaker. They run to Conker, but he easily rips their heads of their bodies. Conker walks to the end of the walkway, and punches the door down. He is now in the cockpit, but it is empty. Conker walks towards the control panels, but then he is knocked down. Conker stands up, and sees some kind of a Mechanical Heinrich, but this one has glass on its head, and no mouth.

 ,,Got ya, you little fucking idiotz!! Nowone can escape me!!!" Yells the Prof from inside the suit. ,,You're really getting annoying, Prof!!! I am going  to rip your balls of and then, I will make you swallow them!!!" Says Conker, and the grappling claws twist. The Prof laughs, and he says: ,,I gonna rip you a new hole!!!" And then, 2 extra arms with drills come out of hiding from his back. ,,O, SHIT!!!" Yells Conker, while avoiding a drillarm that punches trough a control board. The ship shakes a little, but then it stops.

 Interesting. If I can trick the legless motherfucker into destroying important parts of this bloody cursed ship, it will crash to the ground, and the Mutant threat is gone for good! I only have trouble with Tenka after that, but at least I won't need to destroy the ships core. Conker thinks with a big stupid grin, and he charges to the weasel, and then they crash both through the wall.

 They crash 3 floors down, and then come in the ships main generator. ,,Why you little idiot! I vill crush you inzo dust!!!" Yells the angry Prof, and he hits Conker with one of his fists. Conker flies to a wall, but then he stands up and hits the Professor 2 times, and then suckerpunch the Professor beneath his jaw. The Prof felt that, and he screams in pain. However, he activates 2 jetpacks that pop from his back, and fires them up. Conker stands before the generator, and the Prof flies towards him, with his drills aimed at Conker. But Conker jumps on the last moment, and the Professor drills trough the entire generator. The lights go off, and the back- up generator is activated. ,,ALERT!! ALERT!!! ANTI-GRAVITY DISABLED!!! OXYGEN DISABLED!!!! EMERGENCY GENERATOR ACTIVATED!!!" 

Conker smiles. ,,Only the engine is left, and after that it is time to bail out of this fucking ship!!!" He whispers, while floating in the air. He activates his jet- boots, and flies to a door, while the Prof follows him, not knowing ( despite his large mechanical enhanced brain ) that Conker is tricking him. Conker knocks trough the door, and finds himself in the engine room. However, the engines are HUGE, and they can't be so easily knocked down. ,,Fuck…what now?" ,,Ah, got ya, you annoying little zquirrel!!! Eat zhis!!!" Yells the Prof from behind him, and from his back one last surprises comes out of hiding: a plasma cannon. ,,Great. It's perfect for destroying the generator, but if it hits me just one second, I'm toast." Says Conker afraid, and then the Prof fires. Conker quickly flies away to avoid it, and it blasts a hole in the wall, so that anything is sucked into space. ,,ALERT!!! ALERT!!! VACUUM IN THE ENGINES ROOM!!!" Conker flies away again to avoid the plasma beam that burns holes trough all decks. ,,WARNING!!! HOLES IN DECKS 4,6,7,9,11 AND 13!!!" 

Conker now stands for the engines. The Prof aims his plasma cannon, and says with a big smile: ,,Hasta la vista, sucka'."  The Prof uses all of his remained weaponpower for the plasma cannon, and a HUMANGOUS beam flies towards Conker. Conker quickly escapes trough one of the holes to the deck with the Mutant Gen, while the engine room explodes. ,,Oh, no, whaz have I done?" Says the Prof afraid, and he escapes trough a hole, chasing Conker.

CHAPTER 10: PLANS REVEALED  
  


Conker stands in a big room with a bridge over huge containers with a green goo. ,,Wow, this must be it." But then, the Prof comes flying trough a hole. ,,I GOT YOU NOW!!!" Says the Prof, and they both land on the bridge. The Prof looks surprised, and he says: ,,Strange. Ve zhould be floating right about now." But then, they also notice that the power is on, the holes are closed by hatches and that there is air. ,,Weird." Conker says, but then a rocket flies trough the air, hitting the Prof. His suit explodes, and he flies trough the air, hitting the door on the beginning of the bridge. Conker looks aside, and then he to is hit by a missile.

Conker flies trough the air, and hits the door. He looks up, while rubbing his head, and he sees Tenka, still aiming his bazooka at them. ,,TENKA!? WHAZ ARE YOU DOING!?" Yells the Professor, looking really pissed. ,,Isn't it obvious? I have no more need for you. You failed and destroyed the ship, and I've studied the Mutant Gen. I have improved it, and I have the formula. I never liked you. I brought you back to live so you could create the Gen, because I didn't have the formula, thanks to that squirrel bastard." Tenka says, while aiming at them. ,,WHAZ? You arrogant little idiot!!! I saved you from extinction!! I told you everyzhing I knew!! I lez you inzo my plans!!! And now you betray ME!? HOW DARE YOU!!!" Yells the Prof angry, while getting out of the scrap metal that once was his suit. 

,,HA!!! THAT was your biggest mistake, 'teacher'! That way I could live and learn everything about science! I may not be full grown because of that, but soon, after MY Mutants destroyed Conk, the Dragon race will rise again, and will be SUPERIOR!!!" Tenka laughs like a real villain. Conker rolls with his eyes, and he says: ,,Sorry, but we already saw that in the first chapter." ,,I should never have lost that disc. Then this could be a surprise." Says Tenka regretting, but then he aims his bazooka again at them. ,,FUCK!! That was the perfect opportunity to escape!!!" Says Conker, and then, Tenka fires his finishing blow. Conker quickly tries to get out of his suit, but he can't get out of it. 

But then, an energy shield stops it before impact. Conker looks up, and sees that the Prof holds some kind of device. ,,You can thank me later. But now, ve must stopz him." ,,Yeah. Lets do this!!" Conker says, and he runs towards Tenka, who is reloading his bazooka. Conker kicks his bazooka away, and grabs his lightsaber. ,,WHY YOU FUCKING LITTLE FURBALL!!! I WILL TEACH YOU NOT TO MARK ME!!!" Yells Conker, and he drinks a bottle of nitro-glycerine. Conker jumps away to avoid his fire burp, and then he sees a B- Zone on a rig. Conker uses the helicoptery tail- thing to jump on it, and then touches the light bulb. 

A beer barrel appears above his head, and he quickly drinks it. His eyes go to the famous 'tanking' look, and he smiles. ,,You're gonna…get…HICKUP!!!…it!!!" He unzips his fur ( !? ) and pisses on the fire burps of Tenka. Tenka looks annoyed, and he burps again. But Conkers piss is stronger, and he pisses right in Tenkas mouth. Tenka falls to the ground and looks like he has been poisoned, while Conker grabs a tablet and some water. He drinks it up, and then jumps to the bridge, sober again. Tenka throws up, and he stands up. ,,You're gonna pay for that." Says Tenka mad, and he stands in a fighting pose. ,,No, it can'tz be!!! Conker, duck!!!" Yells the Prof, and he pushes Conker away.

,,Why did you do that?" Asks Conker annoyed, but the Prof can only point to Tenka, whose skin looks like its about to rip. ,,I don't wanz to believe it, but he's going inzo his final stage, his mature state. It's just like witz a insect. You could say that he is now in cocoon state." Says the Prof afraid, and then, Tenka falls to the ground, and something flies out of him. It lands before them, and Conkers eyes pop out. Tenka is totally changed. He is about 2 times bigger as normal. He has a long, horned tail with a blade on the end. Bat-like wings stick out of his back, and horns are all over his body. He has 2 fangs in his mouth, and 2 extra horns above his eyes, pointing to his back. His eyes are blood red with a gold dot in the centre. His entire body is still wet, just like with butterflies, and he shakes himself to get rid of the liquid stuff. Tenka growls, and he says with a new, heavy voice: ,,Now you will feel the wrath of the dragon!!!" He kicks Conker to the other side, and then flies towards him. Tenka grabs him, and throws him to the ceiling. Tenka laughs maniacally. ,,HOMERUN!!! AND NOW FOR THE FINISHING TOUCH!!"

Tenka flies towards Conker, and then grabs him by the neck with his tail. Conker feels the small spiky scales against his neck. ,,I thought you said that dragons couldn't fly and weren't giant monsters." Says Conker with trouble. Tenka smiles, and he says: ,,I lied. Don't believe everything you read, especially first chapters that aren't perfect." Tenka flies to the bridge, and prepares to hit Conker trough his head. ,,You KNOW that I will return, right?" Says Conker. Tenka smiles, and he says: ,,Yeah, but by that time this room will be separated from the main ship, and you will die countless times in space." ,,Good point." Says Conker, and he sees the tail coming closer and closer. ,,STOP!!!" Tenka looks up, and drops Conker. ,,Interesting. He can't do 2 things at a time." Says Conker with a big smile. Tenka looks to the rig with the B-Zone, and he sees Berri. ,,Like, could you tell me why you needed ME?" She asks, while hiding something behind her back. Tenka smiles, and he says: ,,Of course, seeing that I don't need you 2 anymore. It was a surprise that I found you in space, but even a bigger surprise when you came back to life ( this is explained in the first chapter by Gregg ), without your bullet wounds. But I soon discovered that I could use you. Namely as something that did all my chores for me, like when I send you to force Conkers code for the safe of the Feral Reserve Bank out of him. But you always failed, except that time that I created the Huntator and you lured them to the shuttle. To bad of the surviving Tediz, but my Mutants are much stronger and more useful. I told you that Conker betrayed you, because I could control you more easily that way. And now you know it. And it's time to terminate you all." 

,,I don't think so. Look." Says Berri with a big smile, and then, they see what Berri has hidden behind her back: a small container with a bleu liquid. Tenka looks shocked, and he says afraid: ,,NO!!! THE ANTIDOTE FOR THE MUTANT GEN!!!" Berri jumps to the bridge, and opens the lid. ,,Yes. And I'm gonna throw it in your precious goo. I never trusted you, but I had no choice, seeing that your lies actually worked." She holds it above a container, and drops the contain in it. ,,NO!!!!" Yells Tenka, and every container except 1 becomes bleu. ,,Thanks zo ze pipes that are combined with ze containers, all ze containers are infested with ze antidote. Except one, who is not combined with ze others." Says the Prof. Tenka smiles, and he says: ,,Yes, that's right. And that's why you can't defeat me!!!" He flies to a hatch on a wall, and opens it. He presses buttons on it, and then he says: ,,THE FINAL BOMBS ARE BEING DROPPED, AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!" However, all of the containers drop their cargo into the atmosphere, except the container with the Mutant Gen.

,,WHAT!?! YOU JAMMED IT!!!" Yells Tenka afraid, and he flies towards Berri. Conker uses this moment to grab his lasergun and fires it at the control panel. ,,WARNING!!! SHORT-CIRCUIT IN MUTANT GEN ROOM!!! 4 MINUTES TILL SELF-DESTRUCT!!!" Tenka looks astonished, and then, angry to his 3 enemies. ,,YOU TRICKED ME!!! YOU WILL ALL PAY FOR THAT!!!" Yells Tenka mad, and he blasts fireballs out of his mouth. The ground beneath the Prof and Berri are hit, and they clamp on the ridge. ,,O, NO!!! I WILL SAVE YOU!!!" Conker runs towards them, but Tenka lands before him. ,,Now, you're gonna pay." He says, growling. ,,Sorry, no time!!!" Says Conker, and he pulls out his lasercannon. He shoots Tenka with Maximum Power, and he flies away. Tenka bounces of the wall, and lands in the Mutant Gen container that doesn't have the antidote. Conker quickly pulls them up, and he asks: ,,Say, Prof, can Tenka change in a mutant?" ,,Yes, but no one survives so much. His body will explode because of zo much massa. But now, ve must escape!" ,,Yeah! Like, lets get the hell out of here!!!" Says Berri, and she opens the door. They put on their space- helmets, and quickly run to the shuttle bay. They jump in a shuttle, and then blast the hangar door with the laser cannons of the ship. They fly trough it, and the whole ships explode, except for one room, that falls trough the atmosphere. ,,It's over…it's finally over…"

The Mutant Gen Antidote falls in a bleu cloud over Conk, and the Mutants start shaking. They take their normal shape, and the Tediz change in their normal shape, Teddies, that were changed by the Panther King into the terrible war weapons. Everyone celebrates the good ending, and Rodent yells: ,,WAY TO GO, CONKER!!! YOU DID IT!!! YOU DID IT!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" 

In the mean time, a craftsman finishes the repairs of the windmill. ,,So, it's ready. Happy Dale Windmill is once more open, and this time, there's no flying armoured squirrel that can ruin it." But then, he looks up, and sees some kind of spaceship crashing towards the windmill. He runs away, and it crashes on the Windmill, sending wood and stones everywhere. ,,FUCK THIS SHIT!!!" Yells the sad craftsman, and he cries, and then, a shuttle crashes on HIM. His body parts are scattered everywhere, and Conker comes out of the shuttle. He looks to the remains of the poor squirrel, and he yells: ,,SORRY ABOUT THAT!!!" 

Then, Gregg appears, and he says: ,,No need to say sorry! O, watch out. I don't have Tenkas soul yet." Gregg disappears again, and the crashed spaceship starts shaking. Conker looks angry, and he says: ,,Fuck you, Gregg." 

Is this the end of the story? What is inside the spaceship? A new danger, or is it just the self- destruct mechanism? See it later! (Although you probably already know it. )

OH, AND PLEASE, R&R!!!


	4. Part 4: Oh, whose idea was it to let mai...

DISCLAIMER: Blablabla…I don't own Conker, only Tenka, the mutants and the Mutant Gen, which isn't a cheap knockoff from the T-Virus, although it mutated the Zombies like in RE. 

AUTORS NOTE: I know that almost all of the chapters came in one time, but that's because Fanfiction.Net was down for so long. That gave me time to write the other chapters. And it's also because they all are very short. I combine the chapters in one omnibus to make it look long. However, my FIRST plans were to make one chapter just one chapter, not part of a omnibus. But I knew that you would think it was disappointing to see that this chapter is so short. And thank you if you think my fanfiction is great. I brought back some old enemies, and did my best to make as much movie jokes as in the game, and I made those Playstation jokes to make clear that Rare must always work for Nintendo, seeing that their games are better then that of Nintendo itself (except for Zelda.) What I mean by this? Easy. Rare is thinking of working for other consoles. And that's no joke.  ( See www.rareextreme.com or www.rareware.com for more information. ) For the ones that don't recognise the movie joke in this chapter: it's from Godzilla 2000. ( You know, the big flop of a radioactive mutated iguana that attacked New York ). I made a final battle because the battle with Real Dragon Tenka ( yeah, he's named like that ) was not a real battle, seeing that they just tricked him into dropping the antidote on Conk. Well, have fun with the last chapters, that include only one thing: THE FINAL BATTLE WITH TENKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER 11: TENKZILLA

The wreckage starts shaking, and a soft roar is heard. ,,Don't say it's true!!!" Complains Conker, and he charges up his lasercannon. ,,No!!! It can't be!!! Novone can survive such zing!!!" Says the Prof afraid. Berri grabs her double Uzi's, and she says: ,,Well, it IS happening, so prepare to give it all you got." Now, Rodent and the Sarge come running towards them, and the Sarge says: ,,GOOD NEWS!!! The Mutants are changed back, and the Evil Tediz have become once more the Good Teddies of Ancient Time!!!" However, they can't keep their eyes of the wreckage. ,,King, what's going…" Asks Rodent, but then, a giant monster arises from the wreckage. ,,…On?" 

The Monster is, of course, a mutated Real Dragon Tenka. His head looks like that of Godzilla, but he has 2 large horns above his eyes. 2 giant spikes on his back replace his wings, and his tail is covered with spikes. His legs are armoured with metal-like plates, and his arms are covered the same way. His belly is covered with yellow, small spikes. His arms are long and almost reach the ground, and he has 3 sharp claws on every arm. He is as big as the hill of the Windmill. His red eyes look at them, and a Terminator-like schematics appear, like with the first Boss in Conker. He scans Conker, and this data appears:

NAME: CONKER THE SQUIRREL

STATUS: DANGEROUS, BIG ENEMY

WHAT TO DO: TERMINATE 

,,Eat this." Says the Mutant Dragon with a half-metallic voice, and he opens his mouth. Energy collects in his mouth, and he fires an energy beam. ,,O, SHIT!!!" They all yell, while ducking for cover. The beam hits the ground they were on, and a crater is there.

,,Prof, could you tell me how he survived so much Mutant Gen, and why he is a Cyborg Mutant?" Asks Conker, while they are hiding beneath the bridge. ,,Well, when Tenka was young and I developed ze Mutant Gen, he was experimenting with a small capsule that could protect somebody from zo much Mutant Gen. However, he lost it, which was a great lose to my experiments. But it appears, seeing his real traitorous nature, he has insert it within his own body, and it appears that it has given him an armour and a IR-Scanner and a satellite uplink." Says the Prof. Berri thinks, and she asks: ,,Shouldn't that, like, mean that he can see us?" The bridge is being thorn away, and the Mutant Dragon looks at them. ,,I think that means yes." Says Rodent scared, while ducking in his shield. The Mutant Dragon collects energy again, and they quickly run away, and Rodent to ( it's a hilarious sight, because only his feet stick out ). Soon after, the water flows into a deep crater, emptying the river. The Mutant Dragon scans the area, and sees them hiding in a hive. He collects energy again, and soon after fires. They jump out if it, and the hive explodes. Now, the soldiers come in, bringing the heavy artillery. They aim their bazookas at the mutant, and he opens his mouth and roars. They fire their rockets, and 10 rockets hit him in the mouth. However, he just considers it as a snack, and he eats the rockets.

The soldiers aren't discouraged, and they bring out a rail cannon. They aim it, while the Mutant Dragon walks towards them. They fire it, sending a powerful blast to his face. However, he doesn't has a scratch ( or maybe he does have a scratch, they can't see it, his skin looks tarnished already ). The Mutant Dragon laughs, with his old Tenka voice. ,,Ho, hold it. Why does he attacks them? Unless…he can do only ONE thing at a time!!!" Says Conker, and he turns to the Prof. ,,Do you know what weapons can damage him?"

,,Vell…normal Mutants can be taken out with a laser cannon, and Zombie Mutants with a head shot…but seeing zhat his brains are now half-mechanical, he can also be overheated. Maybe an heatcannon works, but you musz charge it up zo maximum power, seeing that he is a cold-blooded reptile with a low body temperature of himself. But ze question is…where are you gonna find zuch a weapon?" Says the Prof, and he thinks. Rodent puts his right-hand up like he is in class, and he says: ,,Ooh! I know! I know! I know!!!"  ,,Yes, mister Rodent?" Says Conker annoyed by Rodents childless nature. ,,The Weasel Professors worked on a cheap heatcannon. It is hidden in the Windmill Hill. It looks like a large pipe with magnifying glasses before it and solar panels on top of it, but it does work." He says. ,,Hey, I'm the king, so why don't I know about all those things in this game?" Conker asks annoyed. Berri coughs, and Conker says: ,,Alright, Fanfic. Now happy?" Berri nods, and Rodent says: ,,3 people can distract him, but 3 others need to control it. The first person must collect energy, the second person must conduct that energy to the fire unit and the third must fry the target. But it has been down for a long time, and it's just like with Area 51 in Independence Day.  You know, the part that the President discovered that he didn't knew about it but his General did. So this makes this another movie gag." ,,No it doesn't. It's just coincidence. But now, we must get to that cannon. Who is going to distract him?" Asks Conker. 

The Sarge and Rodent volunteer, but then, the Weasel Guards come out of hiding. ,,We were listening. We agree to distract them." Says the Fat Weasel. Now, Franky the Pitchfork appears to. ,,I'm gonna stab that guy to dead!" He says with his Southern American accent. Gregg appears to, and he says: ,,I wanna be there when that bloody bastard dies. He always made me pissed off when he laughed at me in the Front Gates of The Afterlife." Conker nods, and a bunch of squirrel soldiers appear, saying that they want to fight this Godzilla rip-off. The Teddies (they look like the Tediz, only without the stitches and they have a friendlier face ) and they volunteer to. ,,Good. Well, Prof and Berri, you go with me?" He asks. They nod, and yell: ,,You can count on us!!!" ,,Good!!! It's time to fry that motherfuckers ass!!" 

CHAPTER 12: THE REAL FINAL BATTLE 

The Distract-the-oversized-bloody-asshole Team runs towards the ammunition depot, and grab some weapons. They grab bazookas, grenades, anti-tank cannons, 25 mm rapid fire cannons ( or Vulcans ), and anything else with a huge impact. They fire their weapons, and immediately get Tenkas attention, because he blows up their ammunition depot with a small beam. Many Teddies are killed in the blast, but they quickly run away, while Tenka follows them. 

In the meantime, Conker, The Prof and Berri climb up the hill, and are on the ruined top. ,,Allright, iz musz be somewhere around here…ah, found iz!" Says the Prof, and he flips open a small hatch. He presses a button, and the ground starts shaking. However, the crashed spacecapsule of the Mutant Gen Room blocks it. ,,O, fuck!!! HEE, SARGE!!! FIRE A ROCKET AT THIS PIECE OF SCRAPMETAL!!!" Yells Conker. The Sarge nods his head, and he aims a bazooka at the crashed capsule. ,,EAT THIS, PIECE OF SHIT!!!" He yells, and the rocket flies trough the air, hitting the crashed scrap metal with destructive force. The junk is cleared, and the weapon raises. 

However, a piece of iron has hit Tenkas eye. He turns his head, and sees the weapon. ,,O, FUCK!!! SO THAT'S IT!!! NEW OBJECTIVE: DESTROY THAT UNCLEFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!" He says, and he runs towards them. ,,O, no!!! We must give that shit-eater a bigger treat! Do you have an idea, Rodent?" Asks the Sarge. Rodent thinks, and then says: ,,Yeah. BLAST HIM WITH ALL OF OUR AMMO!!" The Sarge gives the order, and they fire all of their weapons. Tenka is rather annoyed then hurt, and he turns to them. 

Conker has watched it, and then turns to the Prof and Berri. ,,Is the weapon ready with recharging?" ,,Ah, yes, yes, iz's ready!" Says the Prof, while checking the powerlevels. ,,Conducting energy to main cannon now!!!" Says Berri, while flipping a few switches.

AUTORS NOTE: Yeah, she HAS enough brains to do that. 

,,Like, I HEARD that!!!" Says Berri annoyed, while looking at me.

AUTORS NOTE: Sorry. Just to prevent annoying reviews ( This is a lie, but I need to tell something to her, right? )

Berri goes on, and enters the path to the cannons core. ,,She is ready! FRY HIM, CONKER!!!" Yells Berri, but then, Tenka turns and faces them. ,,Oops. Like, a bit TOO loud." She says, regretting. Tenka charges up for his own blaster, and Conker quickly jumps on the aiming seat. He locks on too Tenka, who just fired his beam. Conker activates the Solar Beam, and the machine comes to life, sending sunrays trough the magnifying glasses. The beam is launched, and the 2 beams hit each other. They fight to reach the enemies side, and it takes a long time. ,,CONKER, THE POWER IS GETTING LOW!!!" Yells Berri afraid. Conker is afraid, and he says: ,,No. It can't end like this. It can't. I have not fighted trough all those chapters, just to be fried by him. I will NOT let my friends down. I WON'T LET MY FRIENDS DOWN!!!" Conker activates the  "Maximum Power But Great  Danger Of Deadly Overload So Never Press This You Donkeyfucker!!!"-  button, and the machine starts shaking. Screws are shaking loose, and are fired away. However, the machine gives extra power, and it defeats Tenkas beam. Tenka looks at the coming heat beam, and he says: ,,O, fuck you, you stupid…" Then, the beam hits him, and his brains are being over heated. Tenka screams in agony, and his metal plates are flying trough the air. Tenka screams, and then explodes, sending blood and metal things everywhere. ,,I zhink you overdid iz a little bit." Says the Prof angry, while climbing out of the scrapmetal that once was the heatcannon. Conker climbs out of it to, and he says: ,,Sorry about that." 

CHAPTER 13: IT'S FINALLY OVER…  
  


They walk towards the melted remains of Tenka. They stare to it, hoping that he won't come back to life. But it just lays there. ,,Finally. I was getting tired of all this. And it just started with a drink in the bar. I better can't go there anymore. I just keep getting into unwanted adventures." Says Conker tired. The Sarge stares at him, but then, he jumps atop of it, and yells to everybody: ,,OKAY, SHOW'S OVER!!! GO TO HOME!!! NOTHING CAN BE SEEN HERE!!! GO TO YOUR FUCKING HOMES!!!" Everybody is going away, and the Teddies go to the harbour to go with a boat to Tediz Island, to create a new live. Conker looks at the half-melted head of Tenka, and he spits on it. ,,Looks like you're not so tough now, you overgrown lizard!" Says Conker, and he turns around to face his friends and the Prof. ,,Well, lets see what we will do with you, Prof." Says Conker, but then, Tenkas body starts shaking. ,,O, NO, DON'T SAY IT'S TRUE!!" Complains Conker, and the half-melted Tenka stands up. Tenka roars, and he prepares to attack them. 

They scream in fear, but then, Tenkas head is sliced of, and his whole body melts. Behind his remains stands Gregg, still holding his scythe. ,,Sometimes, you must do it yourself." Then, Gregg grabs something invisible. The thing takes shape, and Conker sees it's Tenkas soul, in the shape of his 'cocoon' state. ,,LET GO OF ME, YOU ASSHOLE!!!" Tenka yells angry, while trying to get out of Greggs grasp. ,,I don't think so, mate. I have a very cruel punishment, just for you." Says Gregg, laughing. Tenka screams in fear, and they both disappear. ,,TAKE BAD CARE OF THE BASTARD, GREGG!!!" Yells Conker happy, and then, they hear Tenka screaming, VERY loud. 

LATER, IN THE CASTLES THRONEROOM

Conker sits in his throne, drinking beer and looking at the Prof. ,,I beg you, King Conker. Don't kill me." Asks the Prof, scared to death. Conker thinks, and he says: ,,You've send the Tediz to conquer Conk, and you let thousands of soldiers being killed. You helped me on the end, but you still committed other crimes. Why shouldn't I kill you?" 

,,Well, I zhink I can lez you in on my story now. It started 300 years ago. The Weasels and ze earliest grey squirrels, ze Kulas of Conk, were fighting with each ozher in the Milk Wars. The Panther King was a hired General, working for one of mine ancestors, ze Weasel King. But he betrayed him, zaking over ze power. He used that power to defeat ze Kulas, banishing ze Kulas to the Dark Place, which is now known as ze Ugas Land. But zhen, he chopped of the legs of my ancestor, and forced him to work for him. Since zhen, my family has been working for him, and I was ze last one. But the only zhing I wanted, was to regain power over Conk. And I didn't create ze Tediz. It was ze Panther King. He cursed the Teddies and turned zhem into ze magnificent Tediz. I just recreated them, with greater powers then ever." Says the Professor.  

Conker nods, and he says: ,,In one word, you're a dick sucking, power-hungry asshole. Send him to the deepest dungeon." The Weasel Guards carry him away, while the Prof yells: ,,NO!!! YOU CANZ DO ZHIS!!! I WILL RETURN, AND KILL YOU AND YOUR PRECIOUS, STUPID LITTLE FRIENDS!!!! YOU CANZ DENY ME!!!" ,,Oh? Then I have another punishment for you." Says Conker with a big, stupid grin.

The Royal Zeppelin flies above Poo Mountain. A wooden plank hangs out of a door, and on that plank, stands the Prof. ,,Say, canz ve talk about zhis?" Asks the Prof, but then, the plank beneath him is pulled away. He just stands on air, and he says with a small voice: ,,I guess zhat means no." Then, in cartoon-style, he falls to the centre of Poo Mountain, crashing trough the roof, falling in the poo, and being flushed away trough the sewage. He is launched trough the waterbasin, flying to the arena of the Ugas. The Uga King, who has hidden a bone in his underwear to make it look like he has a 'big bone', looks at the Prof, and he says: ,,Looka looka!! Lil' bity!!! Senda Fangy!!! ( Well, well. A weasel. This could be interesting. Send in Fangy!!! )" The Prof, who knows the Uga language, looks afraid, and then, Fangy enters the arena. ,,Canz we zalk about this?" Says the Prof, afraid. Fangy charges, and the Prof runs for his life.

LATER, THRONEROOM

Conker looks in his glass of milk. He sighs. He drinks some milk, and puts it on the table. As usual, the table falls, breaking the glass on the floor. Conker grumbles, and says: ,,Remember to fix that later." Conker grabs his GBC, and plays Killer Squirrels, a new variant of Killer Instinct. He selects himself, and beats up the Fabled Panther King. But, he still feels miserable. Berri has disappeared, and no-one has seen her. ,,Well, I can't expect her to love me again. We just fought 4 days against each other, and she was poisoned by Tenkas lies. O, well. Better go to the Cock and Plucket tonight, all tough I probably get into another adventure that is going to ruin my life." Berri stands up, and goes to his favourite bar.

Conker sits at the counter. He is the only one. The bartender polishes the counter, and then asks: ,,Hay. How can I help ya?" ,,Yeah. Scotch, with ice, not shaken." Says Conker. ,,Ah, a man of taste. Here ya go." Says the Bartender, and he fills it halfway. ,,Whoa there, big guy. Keep it comin'." Says Conker. The Bartender nods, and he gives it to Conker. ,,Looks like you had some problems. What are they?" He asks, but Conker waves his hands, and he says: ,,Nah, I don't wanna. Besides, you wouldn't believe me." The Bartender nods. A while later, Conker leaves ( for the ones who recognise this part are right, my Fanfics plays between the credits and the sequel clue ). He walks over the pad, but then, feels a hand on his shoulder. ,,I will go on where we left in happier times, if you will forgive me." Conker turns around, and looks at Berri, who still has tears on her face. They just look at each other, and then, Conker says: ,,It wasn't your fault. It was Tenkas fault." Tears flow from their face, and then, they brace each other. Conker smiles happily, and he says: ,,Come, lets go home. I will give you a grand tour trough the castle if you want to." ,,Well…if it isn't, like, a stupid, old castle." Says Berri, back at her old self. ,,Well…forget about it. Come on." Conker says, and the both walk away, while Berri starts saying: ,,Well, I don't hope there's much dust. And old furniture. I mean, even at our old house I needed to change everything. What was up with that kiddy look? Everywhere cute things for babies…I even needed to change the last game from a long, kiddy game with a very good plot to the adult game!!! Hey, are you listening? O, why do I even try…"

Tenka is running down the colourful streets. He can hear them…screaming…the horror…THE HORROR!!! Tenka bumps into someone, and he clamps himself to the persons leg. ,,Please, safe me from those monsters!!!" Begs Tenka. But the person, who is Gregg in his new golf-outfit, says: ,,Get of me, you bloody arsehole!!! I worked centuries long, just to buy this outfit! You know how little I get paid? And besides, mate, you've asked for it. No Teletubbies or Sesamstreet, remember? Well, you got your way. And now return to your fans. I'm gonna golf. Play against those bloody cats, and if I don't win, I won't get their lives." Gregg walks away, and then, they grab Tenka. He yells in horror, and looks at…the little kids from 'Barney the Dinosaur'. The purple dinosaur comes walking, and he says with his stupid voice: ,,Well, kids, looks like our friend here looks a little naughty! And what should we do about that?" ,,MAKEOVER!!!!" They yell, and they drag Tenka back to the school, and he screams, trying to escape from them and his future clowns-costume. ,,CONKER, YOUR GONNA PAY FOR THIS!!! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD!!! THEN I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!" Tenka yells, raising his fist to the air. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
  


That was it for now. I don't know if this is the final chapter, or that it goes on with Berri and Conker, having trouble with the every-day-problems of living together. Well, I'll see. Maybe that'll be the sequel, because it is unknown what has happened with the Prof, but I think he will have more mechanical parts. O, shit! I forgot about Tenka's Suit!!! Well, um…I need to tell them something…yeah, I know. The suit exploded when the spaceship crashed. ______________________________________________________________________________________________


End file.
